Soooo many feelings these days. Which shouldn't come as a surprise for all the hormones I've got flowing through my body these days. But honestly, I'm not sure I've ever felt this reflective in all my life. And that's saying something for this … shall we say….. habitual over-analyzer ;) Something about the magnitude of this new little person joining our family has really sunk in these past couple months. As we get closer to meeting her it's like my heart and mind are competing over who can be consumed more fully with what life will be like in a few short weeks. My mind goes through all the hypothetical scenarios of 'I wonder how will we do _insert every day activity here_ with baby in the mix?' and 'do I have enough freezer food prepared for the first few weeks while we adjust?' and 'how do you actually put a baby properly in a car seat?' and so on. All that mental stuff I tend to run through my mind a million times to be sure. Sure that I'm sure, you know?
But my heart! Oh, my heart. That's an entirely different exercise. Sometimes I look around the house, say at a favourite picture of Ryan or something, and I imagine him in that picture holding our little girl on one of our future adventures. Or I'll catch myself cooking dinner, imagining what that will feel like when she's here with us. And my heart feels so full it literally aches. It aches with happiness and anticipation and wonder and gratitude and who knows what else to create such a wonderful feeling but it's alllll there. Sometimes I'll be thinking about her, so those feelings rising up and taking my breath away are somewhat expected. But sometimes, the slightest thing will trigger my heart and I'm just totally washed over by an all consuming love and anticipation.
The nearness of her arrival has these feelings intensifying by the day and just can't help but slow down and be present to it all. It truly is such a unique and special time.
What I want to remember about right now:
- That though I'm so incredibly excited to meet our little girl, I'm also grateful for each minute that Ryan and I get to enjoy it being just the two of us. I'm deeply thankful, everyday, that 12 years with this man has only made my heart grow fonder of his company as we walk through life together. Thinking about this little girl joining a family who love's one another so deeply is truly a dream come true.
- On a lighter note, I am now officially a snorer for the first time in my life (womp womp) aaaaand the least graceful person to get in and out of bed. It's not pretty. What's more, something about the pressure of the baby on my lungs sometimes has me involuntarily grunting as I wriggle myself out of bed. I guess what I'm trying to say is that it's a glamorous life over here ;)
- Waddling. People, the struggle is real! Baby has dropped and with her magnificent descent has gone any shred of gracefulness I had left. Only consolation for my tee-toddling gate? Baby is in great position and for that we're super grateful.
- Speaking of said fantastic position…her little feet are constantly nestled in my right side and it might just be the cutest thing ever. Often, when she pushes, you can feel two distinct little feet with your hands. Ryan can too! It's just amazing. I'm so curious to see all of her movements once she joins us here on the outside :)
- Days away from my due date, the text messages, emails and phone calls have really started to pour in. Friends and family checking in to see how we're doing. It's truly humbling to be reminded, at times like these, how many wonderful people we have in our life who love us and care deeply about us. This little girl is so fortunate to be welcomed by the 'village' of people who make our lives so love-filled and special.
- Being pregnant all these months has felt so slow and so fast, kind of just the way I had hoped. I say this to Ryan often. The time feels like it's gone by fast in that we're here, nearing the finish line and I can't even believe we're going to meet this baby girl of ours so soon. In the same breath, these last 9 months have been some of the most lovely months of my life. We've travelled and adventured, settled into a new home and beautiful neighbourhood, savoured tons of time with family and dear friends (old and new) and just really relished this remaining time as a family of two + our sweet boy Lincoln.
♡ ♡ Baby girl, we're just beside ourselves with excitement and gratitude as we await your arrival. Whenever you're ready, we'll be here to welcome you with arms wide open ♡ ♡